She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
