mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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