when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
