i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
