Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
someone owes me an orgasm
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
