yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
