I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
