soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
