We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
