bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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