i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone shit on the floor
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
