Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
