so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
