We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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