the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
