It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
