I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
