oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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