umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
