margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
