At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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