She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
