well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
