I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
