there's paper in my vomit.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We're hate flirting, damnit.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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