Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
