Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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