your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
