Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
