Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
