Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
