how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
