put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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