Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
