i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
