Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
