so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
