hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
