I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
