If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
