do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
