what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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