you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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