Princesses don't give blow jobs
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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