Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
