I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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