I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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