no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
