He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
