Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
