Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
