That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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