thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
